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Shaman Mother’s “7″ Golden Rules before you get pregnant – #2 Heal the relationship with your Birth Parents!
Golden Rule #2 – Heal the relationship with your Birth parents
Whether you’re conscious of it or not, most of us are carrying in our subconscious minds issues with our birth parents. Most of us did not live in a television sitcom as pure as “Happy Days.” Dysfunction exists in ALL families one way or another. How we relate to others is interconnected from our conception and early childhood experiences.
The ideal situation is to start doing some inner housecleaning before you get pregnant. The more you sweep away the hurts and resentments towards your parents, the more it will enhance the relationship between you and your child. The Mother-Child bond is a core foundation to every infant, as Freudian psychology points out.
What to do/Action Steps:
- Start examining issues with your parents. If we start to self-reflect and observe the friction we have with our parents, we will begin to develop more self understanding.
- Realize that your parents are human and stop resenting them for not being your perfect ideal.
- Go back into your past and start to FEEL painful memories. ‘Feeling the feeling’ is a powerful tool to release old baggage. Don’t be afraid to experience hurtful feelings.
- Write down all your poisonous, hateful feelings and memories. Read them out loud and then rip up the paper; say “these feelings are no longer part of me. I forgive you for not being whom I wanted you to be.”
- When revisiting the past experience with your parents, visualize the painful experience in a more positive and uplifting way. Create the resolve that your inner child craves for.
- Stop blaming your parents for your own unhappiness as an adult. It is time to allow mature and accepting feelings to flow through you.
- Allow your childish and immature feelings to surface. Don’t judge these feelings. It is healthy to let them surface, then bury them deep in your unconscious,
As you explore and release childhood feelings and emotions, the more room you create for loving, peaceful feelings. All these exercises may seem silly, but when you excavate your dark, destructive emotions it allows you to love more. You cannot love unless you feel and it is vital to feel painful feelings. All this inner work will help you grow emotionally, as well as spiritually. Learn to love your parents unconditionally and forgive them for past mistakes. You will begin to like yourself more and more, and this is how you become a better Mother and human being. This love, like an umbilical cord, will connect to you and your child. Love is never broken!
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Shaman Mother’s “7″ Golden Rules before you get pregnant – #1 Strengthen the relationship with your Partner!
Golden Rule #1 – Strengthen the relationship with your Partner
This should be your main priority. Personal relationships are key to your spiritual growth. We walk on sunshine early in our relationship and then as time marches on. the dark, shadowy clouds descend. “He doesn’t bring me flowers anymore.” “She never wants to have sex.” “He’s never home.” “All she does is nag!” “He’s a slob.” Does any of this sound familiar? BLAME, BLAME, BLAME!!! It is always someone else’s fault that you are unhappy. Here lies your first mistake. IT IS YOUR JOB TO MAKE YOU HAPPY! This is no one else’s responsibility. No one can make you feel anything. These are your feelings. NEVER EXPECT THE OTHER PERSON TO CHANGE…. Many people get married thinking that all the things that bothered you about your mate will change once the wedding band is on the finger. False…..it is just the opposite. All those things that triggered you before, intensify. People mirror back to you what you’re feeling about yourself. Realize that you don’t have any power to change another human being. You can only change yourself. We are all human and sometimes we cannot control our feelings. In a healthy relationship it is important to be expressing our truth without belittling or accusing another person. Creating a loving relationship starts with stopping the dualistic patterns of right versus wrong. Divorce court is filled with this energy. If we speak with kindness, love and truth with our partners we will start to shift our relationship into a supportive one. If someone is angry at you, choose not to match their feelings. The more you love and approve of yourself, the more you have the capabilities to love others. Remember that true love never has an opposite. Love is love and it never deviates.
What to do / Action Steps
1. Allow a deep, compassionate loving for you to sift through negative emotions. Feel them and embrace your darkness. As your negative feelings surface ….explore them and find out where the root comes from. (Early childhood experiences may be a clue.) Realize if the roots come from the past why are you allowing them in the present? Take a breath and a time out if you need it. See if you can raise your vibration to love.
2. Nurture yourself and allow higher, euphoric feeling to come. I play uplifting music to elevate my mood. If you want flowers…buy them for yourself
3. If there is a personality flaw you see in another person, find where that flaw is hidden within yourself. Accept that it is in you and then transcend that trait to a more positive and spiritual attribute. Take for example; ENVY. Maybe someone has something that you want. Instead of getting jealous, you can shift your lower feelings into positive ones. “Good for them for creating such goodness in their life. I can create that in mine also.”
4. Develop Healthy Communication…. Give up the need to be right and making another wrong. Take personal responsibility for your actions and reactions.
5. Treat People the way you want to be treated… If you want love and respect, then treat yourself and others that way. You can choose to be commanding rather than demanding and constructive but not destructive.
6. Let Go of Expectations…. Stop expecting people to behave in the way that you think they should. Disappointment will disappear and love and acceptance can be the replacement.
7. Invest time and energy in your relationship and the benefits of a loving home will benefit you, your Partner & especially your children!
Regardless of where you are in your life journey – Maiden, Mother or Crone – creating a loving partnership is critical to enlightment!
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